People these days seem to have an interesting definition of friendship. We have "Facebook" friends, work friends, childhood friends and friends with whom we share common interests. But what does it really mean to be a "friend" to someone?
Most people would agree that a friend should be someone that we enjoy spending time with, that we have shared experiences or a history with, or someone that we could go to in a time of need...and I would agree. However I feel that being a REAL friend goes a lot deeper than that. Most "friendships" that I observe are superficial relationships at best. What I mean is that most of our relationships never develop beyond the enjoyment of one another's company or giving each other a hand when it's necessary. These folks are really little more than acquaintances.
A REAL friend is that rare person who really accepts you, quirks and all. They don't discard you when you screw up- even when you really hurt their feelings. A REAL friend will also pull you aside and let you know when they think you are screwing up. You see, they care enough about you to look out for you, even if that means telling you things that you really don't want to hear. They don't avoid uncomfortable topics just to keep the peace. They don't simply discard the friendship when their feelings get hurt or when they feel that you are on the wrong track. A REAL friend has the courage to express how they feel and ask for what they need in a relationship. A REAL friend has the emotional maturity to go the distance with you, call you on your crap and help you sort through it too.
A lot of people will walk away from someone that calls them out for bad behavior. I get it- it's uncomfortable. But think about it: an acquaintance is not going to fight for a relationship, and they are not invested in you. It's easy to walk away. But a REAL friend will do whatever it takes to protect you, even if it's from yourself. These rare folks love you enough to have corrective conversations with you in order for you to develop into the person that they know you can be. Call it tough love if you will. They will also come to you when they hear something disturbing about you in the rumor mill. They will ask you direct questions. They will ask you your side of the story. They will get facts before they make judgements. And most importantly, they will communicate their concerns and help you work through your struggles.
It's great to know a lot of people, and it's fun to feel popular. But ask yourself how many people in your life will pull you aside and straighten you out when necessary. Having an uncomfortable conversation actually deepens a relationship. You just have to recognize that caring for someone sometimes means helping them get back on track. So let's stop being cowards when it comes to our communication with each other. Let's go deeper in our relationships, because that's what REAL friendship is all about.
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